Money cannot buy love or friendship and real love needs not money

on 14 April 2020
Pavlov's dogs

Money is the thing that many seek, ostensibly because they believe it equals success. In reality, it is how and why you manage to accumulate money that says more about how successful you are. But one myth we must let go of, is, that money will make you happy, if it did, then everyone who had it would be happy and we know that is not true, don't we? So, are you happy, do you want to be . . .

Money, is it really the root of evil or is it just us?

Based on my life and therapeutic experience, I somewhat disagree with this research and the many other forms that espouse the same rhetoric! It's not that I believe good friends, social groups, networks or connections are not important; they clearly are, it's the term "need" that I take issue with! However, to make more sense of what I mean, the ideology behind my rationale though needs to be further explained.

Of all the things humans need, it is the chemical experience we refer to as love. Somewhat innocently, we have become accustomed to experiencing the feeling of love in the presence of a certain sensory stimulus or stimuli! For many, they have become attuned to experiencing this feeling as being a reward relative to their sense of self-worth. Essentially, it becomes how they validate themselves and the less they like themselves, the easier it becomes to devalue who they are, what they stand for etc. More importantly, it is the way they believe others see them too and confirmation bias makes it very easy to see the supporting evidence to validate their self-belief!

Hypnotherapy and the resultant experience of discovering the way our life gets encoded, through observations and experience, slowly allow each client to discover their true worth. Very few clients would disagree with the idea, that if they were born in a different country, a country that had more liberal values, a better economy, better healthcare and, with parents who themselves had a better life, they too would be different. So, who we are is much more than our experience and it is the ability of hypnotherapy to tap into this rich resource that still lives within us! How we do that is a matter of indulging ourselves in the process of Trans4mational Therapy. Once we learn to tap into this rich resource, we discover that every feeling that we have ever experienced comes from within our deeper selves. And the way we learn these essential life skills is a natural part of the way I deliver my therapy, something I have been practising for just over 20 years now.

This takes me nicely back to where this blog started, the issue I have with us having "a need" for connections. My contention is, that once we learn to tap into our inner resources the need for connections, friends, networks etc. and replace it with the awareness that we do not need them, we become less needy!. However, we will have these connections, friends, networks etc, simply because people who become, at least more functionally, self-actualised become naturally more attractive. Although this is not in the physical sense of the word attractive. But rather from a much deeper sensory awareness, that experience when afterwards, people say, "it was just so lovely to be in their presence!" Of course one doesn't just arrive at this position overnight, it doesn't come from a one time experience either. It is a consequence of learned, polished and practised exposure to a different perspective of life, our own self and how we can influence the way we live each day.  I call it Naivolvap Non-Classical Love Conditioning aka reverse mental engineering. 

Hypnotherapy stands out as one of the most effective strategic life management methods there is, especially in its ability to promote clear thinking and good states of mental wellness. The behaviours that make life challenging are often a result of too much stress, too little or poor quality sleep and too little by way of mental and emotional clarity! So, to get or take back control of your mind and your life, it makes perfect sense to use a methodology that addresses the subconscious brain's role in perpetuating negative, vague and ambiguous states of mind. Hypnosis helps us to create calm relaxing states of mind that make life work better! If you would like to address any concerns you have in this direction, or, if you just want the ability to make your life feel better, then why not make an appointment for a Free Consultation? Hypnosis gives you the ability to have a good life! 

My objective is to help people understand how and why we become illogically trapped into emotional experiences that may actually be happening but for reasons, we may never have imagined! If you want to know more about Hypnotherapy, why not make an appointment for a Free Consultation?

For more information on the Free Consultation - Go Here Or, to book your Free Consultation today, you can do so here

The Research: 

While researchers have suggested that individuals who base their self-worth on their financial success often feel lonely in everyday life, a newly published study by the University at Buffalo and Harvard Business School have taken initial steps to better understand why this link exists.

"When people base their self-worth on financial success, they experience feelings of pressure and a lack of autonomy, which are associated with negative social outcomes," says Lora Park, an associate professor of psychology at UB and one of the paper's co-authors.

"Feeling that pressure to achieve financial goals means we're putting ourselves to work at the cost of spending time with loved ones, and it's that lack of time spent with people close to us that's associated with feeling lonely and disconnected," says Deborah Ward, a UB graduate student and adjunct faculty member at the UB's psychology department who led the research on a team that also included Ashley Whillans, an assistant professor at Harvard Business School, Kristin Naragon-Gainey, at the University of Western Australia, and Han Young Jung, a former UB graduate student.

The findings, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, emphasize the role of social networks and personal relationships in maintaining good mental health and why people should preserve those connections, even in the face of obstacles or pursuing challenging goals.

"Depression and anxiety are tied to isolation, and we're certainly seeing this now with the difficulties we have connecting with friends during the COVID-19 pandemic," says Ward. "These social connections are important. We need them as humans in order to feel secure, to feel mentally healthy and happy. But much of what's required to achieve success in the financial domain comes at the expense of spending time with family and friends."

Ward says it's not a financial success that's problematic or the desire for money that's leading to these associations.

At the centre of this research is a concept psychologists identify as Financial Contingency of Self-Worth. When people's self-worth is contingent on money, they view their financial success as being tied to the core of who they are as a person. The degree to which they succeed financially relates to how they feel about themselves -- feeling good when they think they're doing well financially, but feeling worthless if they're feeling financially insecure.

The research involved more than 2,500 participants over five different studies that looked for relationships between the financial contingency of self-worth and key variables, such as time spent with others, loneliness and social disconnection. This included a daily diary study that followed participants over a two-week period to assess how they were feeling over an extended time about the importance of money and time spent engaged in various social activities.

"We saw consistent associations between valuing money in terms of who you are and experiencing negative social outcomes in previous work, so this led us to ask the question of why these associations are present," says Ward. "We see these findings as further evidence that people who base their self-worth on money are likely to feel pressured to achieve financial success, which is tied to the quality of their relationships with others."

Ward says the current study represents the beginning of efforts to uncover the processes at work with the Financial Contingency of Self-Worth.

"I hope this is part of what becomes a long line of research looking at the mechanisms between valuing money and social-related variables," says Ward. "We don't have the final answer, but there is a lot of evidence that pressures are largely playing a role."

Story Source:

Materials provided by University at Buffalo. Originally written by Bert Gambini. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Journal Reference:

  1. Deborah E. Ward, Lora E. Park, Kristin Naragon-Gainey, Ashley V. Whillans, Han Young Jung. Can’t Buy Me Love (or Friendship): Social Consequences of Financially Contingent Self-WorthPersonality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2020; 014616722091087 DOI: 10.1177/0146167220910872

Cite This Page:

University at Buffalo. "Money can't buy love -- or friendship: Basing self-worth on financial success creates pressures that hurt important social connections." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 9 April 2020. <>