When it comes to your happiness, what's love got to do with it?
on 27 July 2020
Brain Circuits

For most people I see, love, happiness and joy, are retrospective experiences. Something we become aware of through introspection or memory recall. Wouldn't it be nice to have more of an, at that moment, awareness (mindfulness) of life as it is happening? Hypnotherapy helps you discover the way to achieve that kind of life . . . 

Often a client says, "I want to be happy," when I ask, "what is happiness?" There is never an answer!

I find it interesting that the most necessary and most sought after emotion there is, 'Love,' is one that we receive no education in. Somehow, we are just expected to know what it is! For that reason, for most of our lives, it has more of a rhetorical or semantic effect on life than it does an emotional one. But let us be very clear, 'Love' is an emotion and if you are not feeling it, then it's not actually; love! But what is real love? From an electrochemical perspective, it is a position from which cells flourish, grow (as in the progression of each cells life cycle), and renew (mitosis). Essentially cells are in a constant state of flux. Cells renew at a natural point in their cycle or as a consequence of disease, viral/bacterial or some form of damage. This process is called mitosis. The one thing that can interrupt this process, in a negative way, is psychological and/or oxidative stress.

While the results of this long study are interesting, what is more, interesting is the amount of happiness, joy or love we could experience throughout our lifetime. I find it rather anomalous, not just in this research, but generally, how little people know what any of these derivative expressions of love are! I often ask a client what they want from therapy and they'll say, "I want to be happy." However, when I ask them what happiness is, to them, they very rarely have an answer. It seems, that for most people, happiness is the result of something happening, be it an event, watching a show or concert, reading a great book etc. Relationship happiness is another, or just being with a friend, closing the sale, delivering a project successfully etc. In reality happiness, joy, love etc. is what we are, or should be, and all the above will make us happier. This is because all of the above are transient experiences, they come and go. Life can be tough at times and because of that, we need love. joy and happiness as a bedrock of emotional support. Something for us to tap into whenever we want, a reservoir of intrinsic resources!

This might sound like the stuff of magic and fairy dust but it really isn't. Look at people who experience stress, anxiety or depression, they have absolutely no problem constantly tapping into all the negativity that those conditions entail. Stress and all it encompasses is the counter emotion of love, it too is always there. However, because it is survival based, it does not require conscious consent or our permission to become active. There is a natural affinity for fear and love to respond automatically. Something potentially dangerous, real or imagined, will initiate fight or flight. Something naturally enjoyable, fun, exhilarating etc. will initiate feelings of love.

Historically we know that by using certain strategies we can learn to manage anxiety and stress. Similarly, by using alternative strategies, we learn to manage (invoke) love. What happens when we practice certain things over and over, a process called long term potentiation turns these strategies into habits (memory-based algorithms). So, with practice, we come to experience an altered mindset, creating a shift from negative to positive. Once that happens, it's as if we reset the brain's radar, it starts to look for what it knows it wants and there's plenty of it!

So, there is no need to wait 42 years to get the lowdown on how happy your life has been. With hypnotherapy, you'll discover how to become aware of it, daily, real-time, as it happens! More awareness leads to better memory formulation and better memory formulation leads to better recall. Of course, life is a work in progress and you will still have disappointments, the occasional heartbreak, suffer loss etc. However, you will be able to withstand it better by being more resilient, grounded and connected. Occasionally something will knock the wind out of your sails but you'll get through it quicker and come out the other side stronger. Adversity in life is a necessity, it's how we learn, how we grow. And no matter how tough life is, having a foundation of neurochemical love, makes it easier to bear and quicker to recover from, than its counterpart; stress!

If you want to discover how to experience the kind of love that is a silent partner, as easy as you experience stress, then may I suggest you give me a call or book an appointment for a Free Consultation? Learning to experience life in a way that is natural and beneficial should be a part of everyone's schooling but sadly isn't. Makes you wonder why; doesn't it?

Hypnotherapy stands out as one of the most effective strategic life management methods there is, especially in its ability to promote clear thinking and good states of mental wellness. The behaviours that make life challenging are often a result of too much stress, too little or poor quality sleep and too little by way of mental and emotional clarity! So, to get or take back control of your mind and your life, it makes perfect sense to use a methodology that addresses the subconscious brain's role in perpetuating negative, vague and ambiguous states of mind. Hypnosis helps us to create calm relaxing states of mind that make life work better! If you would like to address any concerns you have in this direction, or, if you just want the ability to make your life feel better, then why not make an appointment for a Free Consultation? Hypnosis gives you the ability to have a good life! 

My objective is to help people understand how and why we become illogically trapped into emotional experiences that may actually be happening but for reasons, we may never have imagined! If you want to know more about Hypnotherapy, why not make an appointment for a Free Consultation? 

For more information on the Free Consultation - Go Here Or, to book your Free Consultation today, you can do so here

The Research:

Researchers have conducted one of the first studies of its kind to quantify the happiness of married, formerly married and single people at the end of their lives to find out just how much love and marriage played into overall well-being.

How accurate was William Shakespeare when he said, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"? Researchers from Michigan State University conducted one of the first studies of its kind to quantify the happiness of married, formerly married and single people at the end of their lives to find out just how much love and marriage played into overall well-being.

The study -- published in the Journal of Positive Psychology -- examined the relationship histories of 7,532 people followed from ages 18 to 60 to determine who reported being happiest at the end of their lives.

"People often think that they need to be married to be happy, so we asked the questions, 'Do people need to be in a relationship to be happy? Does living single your whole life translate to unhappiness? What about if you were married at some point but it didn't work out?,'" said William Chopik, MSU assistant professor of psychology and co-author of the paper. "Turns out, staking your happiness on being married isn't a sure bet."

Chopik and Mariah Purol, MSU psychology master's student and co-author, found that participants fell into one of three groups: 79% were consistently married, spending the majority of their lives in one marriage; 8% were consistently single, or, people who spent most of their lives unmarried; and 13% had varied histories, or, a history of moving in and out of relationships, divorce, remarrying or becoming widowed. The researchers then asked participants to rate overall happiness when they were older adults and compared it with the group into which they fell.

"We were surprised to find that lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn't differ in how happy they were," said Purol. "This suggests that those who have 'loved and lost are just as happy towards the end of life than those who 'never loved at all.'"

While married people showed a slight uptick in happiness, Purol said the margin was not substantial -- nor what many may expect. If the consistently married group answered a 4 out of 5 on how happy they were, consistently single people answered a 3.82 and those with varied history answered a 3.7.

"When it comes to happiness, whether someone is in a relationship or not is rarely the whole story," Chopik said. "People can certainly be in unhappy relationships, and single people derive enjoyment from all sorts of other parts of their lives, like their friendships, hobbies and work. In retrospect, if the goal is to find happiness, it seems a little silly that people put so much stock in being partnered."

If someone longs for a lifelong partner to start a family and build a happy life together, Chopik and Purol's research suggests that if that individual isn't completely happy to begin with, getting married won't likely dramatically change it all.

"It seems like it may be less about the marriage and more about the mindset," Purol said. "If you can find happiness and fulfilment as a single person, you'll likely hold onto that happiness -- whether there's a ring on your finger or not."

Story Source:

Materials provided by Michigan State University. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Journal Reference:

  1. Mariah F. Purol, Victor N. Keller, Jeewon Oh, William J. Chopik, Richard E. Lucas. Loved and lost or never loved at all? Lifelong marital histories and their links with subjective well-being. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2020; 1 DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2020.1791946

Cite This Page:

Michigan State University. "When it comes to happiness, what's love got to do with it?." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 23 July 2020. <>